You Can Only Love Another Person To The Degree You Love Yourself.
Hey gang, I'm on a roll with getting these elements to you. The Seven Elements of Health, Healing, and Transformation—Earth, Water, Air, and Fire—relate to the body, while Mind, Loving, and Rest refer to your soul. Today’s focus is on Love, which might be a bit of an ouch for a few people. Often, we are not taught the importance and necessity of self-love as absolute love.
You can only love another person to the degree that you love yourself. All health, healing, and transformation requires love. And healing will happen in direct proportion to the quality and quantity of self-love you cultivate within.
I’ve had to reflect on this personally, asking myself, "How do I love myself back to well-being?"
I remember checking into a psychiatric ward after I had gone to the gun club to take my pain away. During this time, I discovered the importance of self-love. I checked into the psychiatric ward because I didn’t want to go back there. I told them, “I just want to learn how to love myself back to well-being,” but their response was that it was my mental illness talking and that I needed more medication. The medical world can have a tricky relationship with love.
After leaving the psychiatric ward, I began to develop a philosophy of life, love, and health. And in five months, I got rid of all my tumors.
Practice Non-Attachment to Life
Here’s a summary of what I learned: The quality of love is directly related to the degree of non-judgment and non-attachment you have to everything - even to your own life.
Not being overly attached to life itself can actually enhance its quality. The quantity of love is directly related to self-knowledge and self-acceptance. On the healing journey, you can't move forward until you accept yourself fully and completely as you are now, or at least learn how to do so. Accept situations as they are happening. As Byron Katie says, “If you argue with what’s happening, you will lose 100% of the time.”
Love Who You Want to Become
Self-love involves having a vision and hope for the creation of your future self. It's not necessarily about loving yourself as you are now, but loving who you want to become. Fall in love with the imagination and vision of who you want to be in the world. As Gandhi would say, "Be the change you want to see in the world." Fall in love with that vision, and it will be easier to take the necessary actions to uphold it.
This principle applies to intimate relationships as well. Don't fall in love with the person; fall in love with who they want to become. Support them in creating that identity for the world.
My mom lived a life of quiet desperation, working two jobs almost her whole life and worrying about money all the time, and she died at 60 from breast cancer. However, it wasn’t the cancer that killed her; it was her lack of self-love. She didn't know how to fill her own well, always giving from a place of emptiness, and in that emptiness she had a need to receive something in return. So even though she wanted to be a charitable person, she didn’t give from a place of inspiration, she gave from a place of obligation, which eventually took its toll.
My dad had a similar life, dealing with depression and using coping strategies like smoking, alcohol, and work to fill the void. He died of a massive heart attack at 67. Self-love is really about getting to the heart of what you care about in this lifetime. What is your heart set on? What do you care about? The degree to which you care about yourself is the degree to which the world will care about you.
Put Your Mask On First
Self-love is vital. My dad worked for the airlines, and I always heard that speech about putting your oxygen mask on first before assisting others. This principle applies to life as well: if you don’t put your mask on, you become a liability in any situation. When you put your mask on and fill yourself with vitality and love, you become an asset to society’s evolution and can better influence the direction you want the world to go.
If you don't put your mask on, you'll never see that you can be the change in the world. You'll never experience it because you’re not full enough, won't have enough to give. But when you start to fill your well, love yourself and become conscious that you are love, you'll turn the tide. You'll transcend the neediness to be loved.
Some might call this selfish, but it's actually a high level of self-esteem and self-confidence alchemized into self-love. While some people might be offended by this, others will be inspired. I have been inspired by people who love themselves and have given myself permission to love myself through their example, coaching, or mentorship.
Self-Love is a Return to Wholeness
When you love yourself and fill your well up, you start to love others and see the beauty in nature. You open up to the mystery and magic of life, leading to synchronicity, a momentum of returning to wholeness and your true, authentic self. For me, this journey has given me a second chance, moving through a very challenging medical history and anchoring into a love for life itself. I don’t need something for life to validate what I can bring to life.
Self-love is absolute love and it’s the first step in changing or transforming anything in your life. It's a blend of self-esteem and self-confidence, enabling you to receive love fully and completely. Loving yourself is about returning to wholeness and your true, authentic nature. And in conscious healing, we’re doing that with a conscious effort. The quality of your love is ideally reflected in non-judgment and non-attachment. Realistically, it’s about practicing letting go of judgments and attachments.
Key Takeaways
You can only love others to the degree that you love yourself.
Love who you want to become - and support those you love to do the same.
Put your mask on first before helping others.
Realize that self-love is a return to wholeness.
If you want to suffer, just judge the fact that you’re judging. Let go of that as fast as you can. Refer to the Mind element in previous blogs to help with this. The quantity of your love is ideally reflected in self-knowledge and self-acceptance, practically speaking, not taking things personally. Do the best you can and celebrate the things you do well.
Self-love is about being an asset to the conscious evolution of your soul and society.
